That was a pretty obnoxious title, wasn’t it?  String a few more sentences like that together, add a bogus (completely fabricated) self-congratulatory CEO quote or two and voila, you have a typical press release.  Including something like this:

“We’re proud that BLADAM is offered in a cutting-edge delivery system that reaches a diverse mix of savvy consumers” notes BLADAM CEO Adam Lasnik “And we’re confident that our unique, patent-pending ContentTextual(tm) presentation will provide a rapidly growing platform for future advantageous growth in this medium.  Oh, and did I mention that BLADAM is Web 2.0?  Web 2.0!  We’re hip!  We’re like Zimeebratr, but better!”

* * *

You’d think that companies would be more clueful today, but alas, even some overall clued-in companies I’ve worked for (and generally admired) spew e-xcrement like this.

I was reminded about how press releases should look when I read this clued-in comment from an entry on Jeremy Zawodny’s blog:

From CMO magazine comes this gem, talking about the opportunities and benefits of using “real people” (I presume this means non-professional actors?) in advertising.

The Dove campaign for its firming cream, for example, has proved popular with consumers, but industry experts disagree on whether the ad is effective. “Using the average person won’t sell anything,” says Gerald Celente, director and founder of Trends Research Institute, a consultancy. “The purpose of advertising is to create desire beyond what the product can actually deliver. Do you want to see the floppy Big Mac that the fast food worker actually packages up and hands to you, or the perfect airbrushed billboard version? People are living lives of desperation; they don’t want to be themselves.”

This comment is so sad, I’m not quite sure where to start.  Indeed, there’s undeniably an element of fantasy involved in advertising; this explains Bud’s attention to buxom bikini babes breasts’ rather than beer drinking guys’ bodaciously bursting big bellies.  With that said, however, I resent and reject the implication that:

- All of us consumers are desperate, lonely, pathetic souls… deriving happiness and self-worth only from airbrushed airheads shilling soap.  Speak for yourself, Celente!
- Such condescending and pittying attitudes from overpaid marketing morons will endear consumers to any brand.

I can only hope that consulting firms such as Calente’s AND the advertisers that believe in such self-defeating tripe will themselves end up living lives of career desperation.

I just read on Darren's Problogger.net site (via Threadwatch) that Google is testing out a pay-per-call feature in its AdWords program.

Jeremy Zawodny recently posted that he's going to be speaking about blogging at the Direct Marketing Association's annual conference, and asked his readers what he should tell those folks.

Many people, understandably, responded that he should basically tell them to drop dead. Given the DMA's, ahem, relationship-challenged practices in the past (e.g., supporting opt-out, rather than opt-in e-mail lists), that's hardly surprising.

With that said, though, I figured it'd be worth it to suggest a few more friendly guidelines for the DMA folks, at least those genuinely interested in communicating decently and effectively with others online. Specifically, here's what I commented on Jeremy's blog:

Friend: "I checked out Blinx like you said but it's this site in German!?"
Me: "B-L-I-N-K-X. Interesting product, moronic name."

What were the folks behind Blinkx thinking? For what was undoubtedly slated to be a word-of-mouth product, why would any semi-intelligent marketing/branding person give their offering a name that could be so easily mistaken for something else?

Pop quiz (and don't peek back at the earlier paragraph)... what was their product named again?
A) Blinx
B) Blinkx
C) Blinks
D) Blinkz

The right answer is B. The other right answer is: fire the person who named that product.

I just got back from the Blue Lithium party at the swanky Ruby Skye nightclub in San Francisco, which was the official closing shindig of the amazingly popular AdTech conference this week.

Verdict: Largely lousy. Here's why:

I've been seeing more and more companies bragging about their refund policy: "No Questions Asked."

Well, how dumb is that! Personally, I'd like to think that when I decide to cancel a service or return a product, the company actually gives a damn about what I think and is intent upon either addressing my concern personally and/or fixing their product.

How about "No Hassle Cancellations" or "No Hassle Returns"? Now that's a promise I'd appreciate!

After buying a cordless phone for my new apartment a while back, I learned -- after the 30 day free-return period -- that the stupid thing didn't have the capability to turn the ringer off. Given that I receive junk faxes at all hours of the day and night, this is a pretty important feature that's missing, since my phone is in my bedroom and I don't fancy being woken up several times in the middle of the night.

So, after an extended period of cheapness and stubbornness (just disconnecting the phone at night), I decided that it's time for me to get a new cordless phone.

You'd think that this would be a relatively pleasant and painless process. And you'd be wrong.

As you may have heard by now, Disney has begun field-testing its "EZ-D" DVDs that self-destruct after 48 hours.

Understandably, environmentalists are up in arms. But while I share in their disdain for this wasteful format, I have a different question to ask: What bozo set the price for these discs at $7 each?!

Yes, it's been a while since I've posted, and no, I won't apologize. I've been busy... not (just) picking my nose, but picking things to write about.

Additionally, dear reader, I've been spending much of the last few weeks delving even deeper into online music services, evaluating my own music habits and interests, and planning a rather major undertaking of a site about online music services. Yes, you heard it here first .

Much of this has come about during the seemingly mundane process of ripping my 350+ CDs to digital files on my computer. Allow me to explain...