Living in San Francisco and having gay and lesbian friends, you'd think that I'd be pretty savvy about this demographic. But this week, I learned something fascinating:

Some lesbians have no lips.You think I'm crazy, eh? But how else can we explain the freaky fact that -- with all the brouhaha over comments about Mary Cheney -- we've not heard a single peep from... Mary Cheney.

This, folks, is not a cringing wallflower. She's been openly lesbian for more than a decade, and she's been campaigning actively for her dad and his assistant, er, co-president, whatever-you-wanna-call-him. As most folks with a pulse and an IQ higher than the diameter of Bush's bulge know, her dad's even spoken of his daughter's sexuality at various public functions... apparently without shame or indignation from Mary or anyone else.

So why hasn't Mary opened up her mouth? Why hasn't she blurted out "Kerry, you're a jerk-off" or "Mom, Dad, would you just shut up already, I can speak for myself, thank-you-very-much."

From henceforth, then, I'll call her (and those like her) a "Lipless Lesbian." A perfect counterpart to unapologetic Republican homosexuals, whom I'll dub "Guileless Gays."

And if she's got a problem with that, well, she can act like an adult and let me know herself.

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