i need to chat

- Posted on Monday, May 10, 2004 at 13:23 [ Permalink to this comment ]

let me tell you… got some bayleys.. well… came from school...was talkin to my friend.. the only one I have and trust now… 4 hour conversation… really nice one. kinda open my life to him (some parts of it anyway)… there are a lots of issues to discuss. but the thing is.. what kinda made me mad a lil bit is… (and my BF left now) ... well.. we were in bed when I started talkin him into goin out with his daughter… just him and her. cause i know they need time for themselves.. i mean “there’s no need”, there’s just what you HAVE TO DO ONCE YOU HAVE KIDS!!! YOU HAVE TO DEDICATE YOURSELF AT LEAST A LIL BIT TO THEM if you made such a responsible step in your life as producing the next generation of yours.. well.. the thing is. while I was givin him an advise on how to approach his daughter so they can get closer to each other (concidering that she is a teenager), I found out that he went out today in the morning to eat with some people I knw.... well .. I have nothing against that kinda thing, but on the only question Im askin him all the time - WHAT YOU DID TODAY? - he talks to me about his work only.. well. thats cool… but isnt it important thing that he went out with somebody to have breakfast?? i mean from my point of view - he INTENTIONALLY FORGETS about this thing - once i ask him (and I ask him not 1 time a day)… so my point is: _ DO I HAVE TO TRUST PEOPLE WHO ARE CLOSE TO ME?????  WHY IS IT SUCH A TRICK I HAVE TO MAKE TO UNVEIL THAT KINDA THINGS? does that mean if I dont attempt to be logically smart with the questions i ask - I will never find out the truth?!?!?! is that what it is????? well.... kinda hurt right now… why is the world so cruel to me ?? (basic question, right?) dont care any more.. just tired.. wanna live for myself… or is it me who demand too much from others?  what if I live with some kind of nonexistent standards that I just want to apply to every situation????? what if it is all my UTOPIA?????!! thats scares me sometimes......all the time.. anytime i think of it..... SCARED.. what can you expect from life if you cant trust people who surround you?? cant you even trust yourself??to start with??? what is it?? is there any reason to leave? if there’s at least one - I still didnt find it… and you know what REALLY BAD?!?!? that nobody can ever be sure that he or she will find one!!!!!!!!! thats what really sad.... we should think of that… back to those standards of living.. what are they really??? and ARE THERE ANY???? controversely.. I know.... i agree that a person is born clean as a sheet of paper… and then it’s the different factors that make that person a person (like society, family, media and others)… thats one point of view.. another one is that life is what you make it. Right? THATS MEAN THE PEOPLE WHO YOU CHOSE TO BE CLOSE TO ARE THEY ONES WHO YOU THINK ARE THE BEST. . . . RIGHT........................... dont make sense.. at all to me… they still make mistakes.. cause everybody makes them - and you are the only one to suffer… well..... is that all I have to do all my life is to carry other people mistakes on my shoulders? or ARE THEY MISTAKES REALLY????????? for someone they are - for others they are not.. so WHAT IS THE POINT???????? WHAT ARE THOSE STANDARDS THAT WILL MAKE ME JUDGE ACTIONS AS WRIGHT OR WRONG????

- Posted on Tuesday, June 10, 2008 at 19:46 [ Permalink to this comment ]

So I was just laid off.  I’ve been working for 10 years at the same place in a senior position.  They gave me a going away package and I’ve never had the opportunity before to take time and just live.  I am making a list of things to do over the next 3 months.  I don’t know if I’ll get another job then, but I do know this is a rare opportunity to decide not to work

- Posted on Wednesday, June 18, 2008 at 17:41 [ Permalink to this comment ]